Tired

I have learned to just ignore my parents when they’re yelling at me. I’m not gonna argue back and I’m not gonna defend myself. Why bother? It’s not like they’ll suddenly see reason and understand my point of view. Instead, it’ll just anger them more and then I’ll get yelled at longer. Nope, I’m tired of that bullshit. 

I’m just going to ignore them and let them yell at me to their heart’s content. Kick me out? Don’t make me laugh. You didn’t kick my sister out when she lied and royally fucked up. You’re not gonna kick me out for not working. My parents never understand. I want to look for work now, but I’m planning to travel next month and then again in Oct. No sensible place of employment will hire me and then let me take two weeks off every other month when I’m just a newbie.

If my parents are serious about kicking me out, I’ll leave. But they better be prepared to tell people they only have two children instead of three because I’m never coming back. 

Cutting off ties sounds extreme but I’ve really had enough. My parents aren’t bad people; just shitty parents. They’ve done the bare minimum: fed me, housed me, and clothed me. But I’ve never felt any love from them. All my life, I’ve been made to feel like a failure, a screw up, that the decisions I make are stupid and the path I choose is the wrong one. Everything I do is just one big mistake and that I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I’m fucking tired of hurting. 

Is it that hard to just tell me you support me and my decisions for once?

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Tired

Difficult Day is Difficult

My life is pretty much just work and home now and since I’m not happy with either, all I can do is vent.

So currently at work we are processing verification forms for people that qualify to attend the next event meeting. On average I have to go through about 100 emails a day and a bajillion phone calls from people asking why they didn’t get their invite yet or if I received this or that. Most people I talk to on the phone don’t know or understand so I’m always patiently explaining things to them. It doesn’t bother me too much. But today…there was this one guy…oh…my…god…I just lost my temper with him bcuz he was just being ridiculously difficult.

Me: hello, *name of company*, ***** speaking
Him: *speaks super fast in a thick indian accent*
Me: Sorry sir, can you speak a little slower?
Him: *explains his situation and asks to change location for meeting he’s attending*
Me: okay, can you email me this?

Him: I’ve already emailed you
Me: Okay, if you emailed me already then I’ll get to it and respond to your email.
Him: Can you check if you received it?
Me: I’m sorry I have a lot of emails to go through, I can’t possibly check for it. If you’ve emailed me, then I’ll respond.

It’s easier on me when people just send an email with what they want because half the time I can’t understand them on the phone and the other half is because I am extremely forget and I won’t remember what they want. So it’s best to have an email/written form of their request so that I can task it and it’ll lower the chance of me forgetting. So yeah, I worked through my emails, see his and respond.

I soon get a call from him again with him verbally responding to my email. I’m just baffled and a little bit annoyed and tell him to just respond to my email. Some time pass and get to his email. I open it and its some email he forwarded me. All he said in the email was “per our conversation on the phone”. That’s it, no context, no recap of what he wants or what we even said. I had gotten a lot more phone calls between his and opening the email so I couldn’t remember what he said on the phone – I knew I wouldn’t remember so that’s why I told him to email me!

So anyways I reply back and ask him to clarify what exactly it is he wants because I don’t remember. And then guess what? HE CALLS ME AGAIN!!

Him: *explains over the phone*
Me: SIR! Please just reply to my email
Him: I know but *goes on explaining*
Me: Can’t you just reply to my email? I talk to A LOT of people, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOU TELL ME! JUST REPLY AND I’LL GET TO YOU WHEN I CAN!

He finally gets the point and I hang up extremely frustrated. Like I don’t understand why people are like this?! Ugh…it was the first time I lost it with someone. -.-

Meanwhile, my coworker was just cackling because I’d finally lost it.

Difficult Day is Difficult