Freedom!!

Today is my last day at work! I am so excited!! I can’t believe I even held on this longggg! I am finally gonna be free!!

I should be looking for another job but I think I’m just gonna take a break for like a week before starting the job hunting process haha so lazy. But I’ve been so stressed the past two months (even more so the past couple of weeks) that I just need this week to do nothing.

There are so many things I want to do and I’ll finally have the time to do them! Excited! ūüėÄ

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Freedom!!

D-4

I am excited! This is my last week of work! (Coincidentally, traffic has been worst than usual; I am infinitely glad that I am about to leave all this behind!)

A little sad that I’ll have to start job hunting but hopefully it won’t be too bad. Looking forward to not having to wake up early and lots of free time. I’m planning to start working out and really work on clearing my skin. Also, finally gonna have the time to work on the numerous photo projects and that travel scrapbook I’ve been planning to do since forever! Hehe excited for this new chapter in my life. For better or worse, I’m definitely not gonna regret quitting here!

D-4

Not an Early Bird

For some reason every time I have to wake up early (like before 6am) or if I got less than 5 hours of sleep, I get really nauseous. I can’t stomach anything besides water. If I even attempt to drink anything else or eat anything, I end up dry heaving and feel like shit the rest of the day. My appetite is also nonexistent too if I haven’t gotten enough sleep. 

Drank an ice cap earlier and now I’m suffering for it. Feel like shit and feel nauseous. Ugh cannot wait for tomorrow. I can finally go home and rest for a few days!

Not an Early Bird

I Hate People

I feel like some people get a kick out of pissing me off. I tell them to not stand in the back and later they will come and stand near me and watch for my reaction ūüėí 

I’ve also got a few people who got angry at me because I told them they would have to wait to enter the meeting because they didn’t RSVP or are last minute additions that just show up, hoping to get in. This is what happens when you don’t follow directions. You’re not the king of the world; don’t expect me to give you special treatment just because you fucking drove 15 hours to get here. 

What’s worse is that these are grown adults. I talk to them politely and patiently but they act like I killed their whole family. I can’t with people.

I Hate People

One down, two more to go

Today is the last day for the event in Cleveland. So glad this one is done! I’ve been so exhausted. Yesterday was the longest day – working from 6:30am to 9:30pm. 15 freaking hours!! I barely ate yesterday since I was so tired from getting little sleep and waking up early. 

I was also stressed and nervous out of my mind because of the dinner situation. I was so worried there wouldn’t be enough food for everyone. I ended up puking before dinner because I was so stressed >< 

Luckily there was enough food for everyone and even a lot left over too! I was so relieved and felt like I could finally breathe.

At the end of the night though, my legs were sore and in pain and my lower back was aching. (I don’t know why but my lower back has been hurting lately if I stand/on my feet for a few hours; I should really go see a doctor) Ended up knocking out immediately when I finally went to bed. Sleeping never felt so good!

Next stop~ Edmonton. Sighhh

One down, two more to go

Quick Update;

I got another hair cut yesterday. Tried out a new place and the guy cut my hair wayyyyy too short. I look like a guy now. Sighhh…oh wells. Tried something new and it didn’t work out. What can I do? Definitely not going back there again though.

At work – closing registration for the upcoming event this weekend. We already extended the deadlines three times already! From May 8th till today. It’s ridiculous and I still have people sending in their qualification forms requesting for a RSVP. Like dude, the last day to RSVP was YESTERDAY. There’s this one CEO (his wife) in particular that is annoying as fuck and sends their shit multiple times despite us telling them no the first time already. I’m just gonna start ignoring it. Why do people always wait until the last minute and expect to get an exception? Like homie, we gave you a month to do this shit.

Other than work, I’ve just been really sad and depressed lately about my life. I just keep telling myself it’s only three¬†more weeks. Just gotta hold on for three¬†more weeks and then I’ll be free.

Quick Update;

Can’t Choose Your Family

Aunt on my dad’s side is doing a bbq tomorrow. I don’t want to go because 1. I’m gonna be¬†trapped there for god knows how long. It’s like an hour away and if I have to go the whole family will go together and it’s not like I have a car to drive myself home when I want to leave. ALSO my dad always makes us the last to leave despite all of us having work and school the next day and have to wake up early but does he have any consideration for us? No. We don’t leave until 9 or 10pm and don’t get home until 11pm-ish. No, I don’t want to sleep in the car, I want to sleep in my bed.

(You know what’s funny though? My dad is ALWAYS absent from family gatherings on my mom’s side but he makes all of us go to family stuff on HIS side, despite none of us wanting to go -.-)

The second reason I don’t want to go is because I just don’t like any of my cousins on my dad’s side. They all grew up together and have inside jokes and it just makes me and my siblings uncomfortable since it feels like we’re outcasts. They’re not bad people; they’re actually really nice!! It’s just we have nothing in common so there’s nothing to really talk about. We may be family but given the choice, I rather be alone than hang out with them.

Can’t Choose Your Family

I did it! I cleaned the shower. It was so freaking disgusting ugh. I guess because I’m kind of blind without my glasses/contacts in the mornings when I shower I don’t really see how disgusting it is. Anyways it’s cleaned but now my back is in pain.

I have back/shoulder pains already from sitting in my bad posture in front of the computer all day at work. Hunching over and scrubbing the shower pan did not help at all. My weak arms are tired and shaking from excessive scrubbing too. I’m lying in bed right now but my arms can barely even hold up my phone to type this update.

Just wanted to put it out there that I actually did something other than lie in bed all day! ^^ My one step forward! (You’ll probably hear about my three steps back later this week ><;;)

A Waste of Space

Every morning I hate waking up. I hate having to endure an hour and half of driving through traffic to work. I hate work even more. I spend half the day wanting to kill everyone and the other half wanting to kill myself. By the time I get home, I eat dinner, do the dishes, then laze in bed doing nothing until it’s time to sleep. About an hour or two¬†before my appropriate bed time is spent thinking that I’m too lazy to do some skincare pampering and then by the time it is bed time, I’m hating myself for being so lazy. Go to sleep and repeat, while wishing for the weekend to come already.

When the weekend comes I somehow always manage to wake up early but spend hours in bed on my phone playing games, checking all my SNS, watching videos, checking news, and going on the usual sites I do. When I’ve got through all of them, I just repeat the process (multiple times), stupidly expecting something to change on one of them (it doesn’t). When my phone runs out of battery, I switch to my ipad. I tell myself I need to get out of bed early but I don’t. It’s always ‘I’ll get up in 20 minutes.‘ ‘It’s almost 11, I’ll get up then.‘ ‘Oops, I missed 11. I’ll just get up at 12.‘ ‘I’ll get up at 1:30‘ ‘Holy shit it’s 3 already!

I usually get out of bed around 3pm or 4pm, brush my teeth, and then make something quick and super unhealthy because by then I’m super starving. I may or may not shower later because I’m either too lazy or I’m not even going out, no one is going to see me and it’s not like I’m dirty or stink.

The rest of the day is spent binge watching¬†something – movies, dramas, youtube videos, etc. – or playing some game on my phone. Then before I know it, it’s night time already and crap! I didn’t do any of the dishes or vacuum and my parents are gonna be home soon and I’ll have to listen to their nagging and crap. So then I rush and do those chores – which only really takes me about 30 minutes but being the procrastinator I am, I put it off the whole day, telling myself I’ll do it after I finish watching this or do it later. Afterwards, it’s back to lounging on my bed, doing random useless things killing time until I get sleepy. Around this time, I hate myself again because I realized I had another unproductive day and tell myself this had to stop. Tomorrow will be different.

Nope. The only difference between my Saturdays and Sundays is in addition to hating myself for being unproductive and lazy, I am also dreading going to work the next day.

This…is my life. I hate it. I’m tired of it all and I want to change it but it’s hard. Change is hard and my motivation to work towards it lasts only for a few hours. I’ve been told baby steps but every time I take a step forward, I always end up falling a few steps back. I get no where.

Sighh…I could go on and on about this but I think I’ll stop now. It’s 10 minutes to 4. I’m going to eat my breakfast now and maybe clean the shower because my mom asked nicely and since tomorrow is mother’s day…(praying I can bring myself to do it)

A Waste of Space