Tired

I have learned to just ignore my parents when they’re yelling at me. I’m not gonna argue back and I’m not gonna defend myself. Why bother? It’s not like they’ll suddenly see reason and understand my point of view. Instead, it’ll just anger them more and then I’ll get yelled at longer. Nope, I’m tired of that bullshit. 

I’m just going to ignore them and let them yell at me to their heart’s content. Kick me out? Don’t make me laugh. You didn’t kick my sister out when she lied and royally fucked up. You’re not gonna kick me out for not working. My parents never understand. I want to look for work now, but I’m planning to travel next month and then again in Oct. No sensible place of employment will hire me and then let me take two weeks off every other month when I’m just a newbie.

If my parents are serious about kicking me out, I’ll leave. But they better be prepared to tell people they only have two children instead of three because I’m never coming back. 

Cutting off ties sounds extreme but I’ve really had enough. My parents aren’t bad people; just shitty parents. They’ve done the bare minimum: fed me, housed me, and clothed me. But I’ve never felt any love from them. All my life, I’ve been made to feel like a failure, a screw up, that the decisions I make are stupid and the path I choose is the wrong one. Everything I do is just one big mistake and that I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I’m fucking tired of hurting. 

Is it that hard to just tell me you support me and my decisions for once?

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Tired

One thought on “Tired

  1. Hey, I really hope things get better. I was just thinking about how long it’s been since I read a post from you, so yeah. I live with a parent too, it’s hell sometimes haha I totally hear you. I realize you wrote this in July, so I guess a month has gone by already but I hope things are going at least a little better. Take care!

    Like

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